Occupational Burnout

I've been thinking about leaving my job lately. There are a few reasons why I think I've been thinking about this. a) The longest I've ever held a job was one year . . . and that was 6 months on the day shift, 6 months on the night shift--I'm gettin' itchy b) I question whether I've made any sort of close friends in the year that I've lived here (really though, who could ever come close to my friends from Kankakee?) c) Lately I've been yelling, cursing, and pushing kids around a little too much--something not really in my nature; I think I'm suffering occupational burnout d) I'm 27 years old and I'm still wondering what the heck I'm doing with my life. And there are probably a lot of other things too.

What the hell?! I've had to do some major evaluating of my dome piece lately. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing more harm than good to these kids. That's a pretty horrible feeling.

I think I've decided to stay though. Maybe it's because I have no expenses whatsoever, and I'm paying quite a bit on my debt. Or maybe it's because I know could be promoted fairly quickly. Or perhaps it's because I've found some demons in myself that I really need to face. I think probably all of these, but most of all because I know in the deepest part of me that this is where I need to be. I have dreams of travel and freedom, but not right now. I think the chorus of my most recent song puts it well:

I was born to wander, I was born to walk around
And these feet get anxious when they're sticking in the ground
Although I think I'm a nomad and a lover by trade
I retreat to the background, 'cuz I'm getting in the way

So I guess I'll be here for another year or so. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself right now. I do know that I can't be in this funk for much longer. I got some PTO this week. Maybe that'll help.

Youthful Automatons 

In my job we have a lot of "huddles." A huddle is when my entire group gathers in a circular formation in order to talk about something. We "huddle up" to set commitments before an activity(i.e. a meal, education period, walking down trail, etc.). We huddle up afterwards in order to evaluate how we did during the activity. At any time, every person has the right to call a huddle. Often a camper will call a huddle to "express himself appropriately." More often, he will call a huddle to address the behaviors of another camper that just kicked him or was singing "P.I.M.P." or something.

In an ideal huddle, everyone will have "huddle standards." Basically this is everyone in the group focused, listening, not talking, supporting the person that has initiated the huddle, etc. This rarely happens, especially in my group of 11-14 year old kids who are much more interested in throwing rocks, digging in the dirt, dangling snot from their noses, pretending that pine-cones are grenades, etc. "Well isn't that what kids do?!" you might ask. Emphatically yes. However throwing rocks at other kids would probably not fly in junior high English class. So we do what we do.

Eckerd Youth Alternatives, the company I work for, is not all about creating youthful automatons like many residential programs. In fact, a child at my camp is given endless amounts of opportunities to explore his curiosity, to get excited about learning, to be able to express his feelings or thoughts and actually be listened to. AND my program is non-punitive, which means we don't punish kids for wrong doing, or reward them for right doing. The consequences are natural or logical, and the rewards are as well.

Not only do I really agree with this philosophy, but I also get paid to play with fire, go on canoe trips, go on backpack trips, live in the wilderness, eat (yeah, I get paid to eat), etc. etc. etc. I think I really like my job. Damn.

Nader Runs Again 

So I'm watching CNN to see Ralph Nader's announcement that he is running for President as an independent. About 2 minutes into it, CNN cuts the audio and starts talking about the ramifications of this for the other 2 parties. I flip the channel to MSNBC. Apparently they have a longer attention span and ran his speech for about 4 or 5 minutes, then they cut to their discussion about what this might mean for the Democrats and the Republicans. After some more frantic flipping I finally settled on C-Span 2 which of course covered his entire speech and the following question and answer period.

What a good example of major networks ADD* for anything remotely substantive. The only news worth watching these days are NWI's programming, and PBS's "News Hour With Jim Lehrer". Even then, my good people, go read for crissakes.

*Attention Deficit Disorder (commonly found in most of my 11-14 year old kids).

Rantburg

Since I don't know how to make links yet, I'll just give you the address of this site. It's a sort of political blog with judicious amounts of sarcasm and cynicism--just the way we like it.

www.rantburg.com

Bills

I just sent $825.00 to 3 creditors, and my debt is still larger than my yearly salary. Damn.

4 Days In Greensboro

So I just got back this afternoon from my "Kalechetuh" training--the training that I was supposed to have at my 9 month mark but instead am just getting it at nearly my year mark (yes, a little bitter). Topics of training included: Mental Health, Resiliency, Group Work, Experiential Education, and Boundaries.

At about 4:30 p.m. each afternoon, training was over. Each evening consisted of myself and 5 or 6 other "chiefs" (that's our title in the woods) going to some downtown pub, dining, and getting completely shit-faced.

On Tuesday night at about 10:30 p.m., I was shaking my booty at Fischer's bar on Elm street. I like to shake my money maker. The bartender was also the coach of the UNCG rugby team. He made stiff drinks. I like stiff drinks.

Later that night, I was observed to be leading a sing along with a bunch of drunk property managers in the lobby of the Greensboro Marriott. People in business atire look silly singing "We all live in a yellow submarine." I made sure to please the crowd with renditions of "Like a Virgin" and the song from Titanic. Yes, I was drunk too. All proceeds went to the bartender, Will, who helped us out earlier in the night with dining and live music suggestions.

On Wednesday night, Lisa got a little drunk and thought it would be fun to start spilling beer on me. It wasn't that much fun, but at least she didn't spill my beer.

Last night it was time to get naked, or so some people said. Yup, only me in my boxers drinking rum 'n cokes while Terry told me how she thought we were going to be friends. Damn.

If you don't know, I live in the woods 5 days a week, 24 hours a day. So when people in my position get a chance to drink for three nights straight, we take the opportunity and run (er. . . stumble).

JASON'S GOT A BLOG

Whoa! Jason's got his own blog now, Jason's got his own blog now, Jason's got his own blog now.