Back to Technology

Some technological breakthrough (I think it may have been electricity) resulted in the creation of the Oscilating Convertible Tower Heater Fan made by Holmes that sits in my bedroom. Rated at a whopping 120 volts AC, 12.5 Amps, 60 hz, with high, low and auto mode, the Holmes Oscilating Convertible Tower Heater Fan is truly ahead of it's time. This Oscilating Convertible Tower Heater Fan serves at least two purposes. First of all, it keeps my bedroom heated to a temperature of about 65 degrees (I would specify Celsius of Fahrenheit, but I can never remember the difference. I know it's not Kelvin). The second purpose is that it keeps my recently bottled nut brown ale (I think I'll call it Hason's Brun Ale) beer at a more ideal temperature to complete it's fermentation process. Granted, it is supposed to be at 70 degrees, but, hell, I'm a cheap skate.

Which brings me to another reason why the Holmes (not Jason) Oscilating Convertible Tower Heater Fan sits in my room. My house is "heated" by "oil." For a 50 gallon tank of said oil, I must pay Landlady Ruth the sum of one hundred and fifty U.S. dollars. According to her--and she knows my frugal ways--this 50 gallon tank of "oil" would last me about a month or so. A month? Fuck that shit. My electric bill won't be that much.

I figure I'll dole out the hundred and fifty bones to at least make sure my pipes don't freeze on those real cold days. But until then, I can stand walking through my cold living room and into my cold kitchen to poor myself a cold beer and return to my warm room to drink it.

Here's to technology . . . . gulp gulp, ahhhhh.